


Faulty compass

by NerdCat_Aydsa



Series: Guide my weary feet to rest (under the cover of winter) [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Character Death, Consent Issues, Discrimination, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, King Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Omega Verse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-09-25 14:38:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9824903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdCat_Aydsa/pseuds/NerdCat_Aydsa
Summary: Everything changed the day Yuuri's village burned in a storm of fire and he became an orphan. With no other family except his uncle, Yuuri was taken to his estranged uncle, grief-stricken and traumatized.  From that day onward, Yuuri lost his way.The world was a confusing and harsh place whilst Yuuri was an unanchored, floundering Omega and the compass that he used to find his way was fundamentally wrong. Everything Yuuri was taught. Everything that Yuuri used to guide him through the world was faulty, but he only uncovered those faults when he met Viktor. When he became Viktor's reluctant Omega.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make a fic exploring in more depth the omega Verse and how fundamentally wrong it is...so yeah I hope you do enjoy it :)
> 
> I know I really shouldn't be starting a new Yuri On ICE WIP. BUT. the. idea. won't. leave...so this happened. :(
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos, I want to see if you like this idea so I can scrap it if y'all don't like it... (^_^)

The screams cut through the heat messily and spilled down the road like a flood. It was like a natural calamity, but instead of nature’s hands wracking destruction, the hands of men were the ones that set the wooden houses alight. Were the ones that pillaged, plundered and invited chaos along.

The smoke in the air was a thick, inescapable creature that haunted Yuuri’s every step. The smoke brought fresh tears to Yuuri’s puffy-red eyes and made his throat feel like it was being scraped raw with sandpaper. The tears that streamed down Yuuri’s innocent, childish features were ripped from the agony and utter desperation in his heart.

Before Yuuri’s tiny six year old frame, his small, cozy house was flaming bright, alight with fire and the agonizing screams of his dying family. The smell of burning human flesh made Yuuri want to die too, and the distant sound of his sister’s screams made him want to throw himself into the blazing bonfire and die with them. Die with his family.

But, the shameful feral creature inside the deepest, simplest nook of his mind rebelled viciously, and Yuuri dug his hands into his ribs and tugged desperately at his hair in vain.

The large behemoth inside Yuuri’s chest won the battle, and Yuuri choked off a garbled sob before he violently pushed a hand against his lips, trying his best to stifle the screams that clawed out of his diaphragm. With one last, lingering look Yuuri tore his blurry eyes away from his _house_.

 _His_ **_family_ **

Every step that Yuuri’s tiny body took away from the raging fires was pure agony, and it felt like nails were being driven into every available inch of his skin, but, the feral creature in Yuuri’s mind told him to _survive_ , so he gritted his teeth and forged on.

Yuuri ran like hellhounds were nipping at his heels, and  until he couldn’t feel the searing heat against his skin or see the bright, blinding _yelloworangered_ anymore.

Yuuri didn’t know how far he had to run or where he was supposed to go. The only thing that controlled his body was _basic, animal_ instinct. All Yuuri heard inside his mind was the whisper of desperation and the touch of panic. The next thing Yuuri was aware of, was the prickly feeling of grass underneath his hands and a wet, soggy line of hardness pressed against his back. Slowly, Yuuri blinked the haze of murky confusion from his mind, and when his awareness came back, Yuuri distantly noted that his small body was wedged underneath a rotting, moldy bed in one of the burnt houses.

“Oi! Round up all the Omegas! Check ‘n see if any of them got away. Oh, don’t forget to kill all ‘f the Alphas, boys!”

The loud, booming voice seared through the silent air like a funeral dirge, and Yuuri’s heartbeat ratcheted until all he could hear was his own pounding heartbeat. With angry tears, Yuuri clasped a unyielding palm over his nose and lips.

Heavy footsteps skipped past the empty, burnt house Yuuri had hidden in, but every single time a cruel laugh sliced through the air followed by a ear-grating scream, Yuuri felt his stomach give a dangerous heave.

“Well, well, well. Look at this bounty!”

There was a chorus of raucous laughter followed by sobs of grief and utter heartbreak.

“Aren’t ya lucky! You _pretty, little O’s_ are comin’ wit’ us. You _belong_ to _us_ now, darlings.”

Yuuri held his breath and kept so motionless, he was sure he put all the statues to shame.

“Let’s go, boys!”

He huddled there in the dark, long after the men left, with nothing but inky darkness as his companion and the sounds of chirping insects as his lullaby. The imprints of the fire that consumed his house- that consumed _his family_ \- flickered tauntingly in front of Yuuri’s vision, but Yuuri refused to let the grief consume him like the fires that consumed his family. Yuuri refused to let his family die in vain, and he didn’t even know where that newfound will to survive came from, but Yuuri cupped that budding spark in his hands and poured all his strength and focus into it.

When the sun emerged and painted the sky in a convalescence of purples, blues and pinks, Yuuri’s spark had morphed into a sun, bright and blinding in its intensity.

* * *

 

The sound of a dozen thundering hooves pounding against the ground, cautiously drew Yuuri from his hiding place. With utmost silence, Yuuri peeked out from the soot-covered windowsill and saw a small group of knights. On their shoulders was the familiar symbol of his country, Nippon, and the flash of relief that ran through Yuuri made him light-headed.

Yuuri pushed his weak shaking body up and used the frame of the door as leverage, before Yuuri stumbled forward. One of the knights spotted Yuuri, and in the next instant, the young boy was surrounded by clanging armour and concerned knights. The captain was a large, looming man with kind eyes and a scruffy looking beard, and without a care, the captain bent down on one knee and placed a cape over Yuuri’s tattered clothes.

“Young boy, was your village attacked? Where’s all the survivors-”

Yuuri shook his head vigorously. The numbness in his heart spread until everything in Yuuri’s body was frozen by that numb feeling. Yuuri felt something shrivel up and die inside his mind. Felt his innocence and naivety die in a fiery pit of cold, hard reality.

The knights shuffled uneasily before him, and the captain gave a sad, mournful sigh before he placed a gentle hand on Yuuri’s shoulders.

“Do you have any other family?-”

The question fell on deaf ears because Yuuri was trying to keep his young mind from collapsing.

Trying to desperately his sanity from being ripped apart by his grief.

That was why, Yuuri only reacted when he felt a calloused, worn hand tug at his earring. His mind blanked and Yuuri fought back like a hysterical, mindless beast. Yuuri clawed and dug his fingers into any piece of flesh that came near him.

After a few minutes of mindless, brain-numbing terror, Yuuri slowly started to run out of energy and his body deflated. The knights’ faces swam before him, but Yuuri managed to bring back his focus with sheer force of will.

“Calm down. It’s ok, we’re _not_ going to hurt you. We just want to check your earring. To check your Alpha’s signature.”

The hand cautiously touched Yuuri’s ear again, but this time, Yuuri only gave a tired, weak flinch at the contact. The captain before him sucked in a sharp breath before he shot Yuuri a surprised look from the corner of his eyes.

“A Katsuki Omega.”

The knight that supported Yuuri from behind, gave a long whistle before he said: “We need to bring him to the HIgh General. This boy must be his nephew.”

The captain gave a hard nod before a hand reached forward and gently ran through Yuuri's dirty bangs. When Yuuri blinked up at the captain, there was an apologetic look in the knight’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, but we have to do this.”

Yuuri gave a scared, confused and weak groan before a wet piece of cloth was pressed against Yuuri’s nose, and Yuuri gasped in shock at the sweet smell. In the next _thump_ of a heart beat, Yuuri’s eyes fluttered shut and he passed out, into the blessed arms of oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, drop on by at my tumblr or send me an email ( in description box) if you want to contact me further XD


	2. Chapter 2

There was a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder that nudged him awake, and Yuuri flailed forward. The only thing that stopped him from falling off the saddle was the steady arm around his waist.

“We’re here. Can you walk, little boy?” The captain’s eyes were kind, but there was a hard edge in it that wasn’t present before. Something in Yuuri shrunk and he kept his lips sealed, because the warning gleam in the knight’s eyes was like as clear as a crystal.

Yuuri was picked up and lowered onto the grass. The captain unmounted from the horse with a severe posture, and when two different hands landed on Yuuri’s shoulders with force, he was barely able to lock his knees into position. Yuuri’s legs gave a dangerous wobble.

The captain glanced down at him before Yuuri was steered forward, towards the large, lavish house, and as soon as they arrived at the gate, the gatekeeper saluted before he hastily guided them towards the front door.

From the corner of his eyes, Yuuri saw the captain gesture at his knights before Yuuri was tugged back and placed in between the two knights. The door opened after a few minutes, and the man that greeted them was large; with an intimidating presence that exuded dominance in spades

The man gave them a sharp, unimpressed look that made Yuuri’s Omega side want to instinctively drop down and curl up into a ball.

“What business do you have with me, Sir knight?” The captain gave a bow that was so low, Yuuri’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

“Hasetsu was destroyed and when we arrived, it was _too_ late. There were no survivors...except this boy.”

The captain gestured at Yuuri, and when the man’s black eyes met his. The heavy, heady force of that stare drove Yuuri’s instincts hayfire, and he lowered his head in submission, afraid to face the hint of rage and irritation in those eyes.

“His name is Katsuki Yuuri. Your nephew, High General.”

The man -his uncle- pushed the door open completely and stepped out. In the next moment, there was a rough, calloused palm on the skin of Yuuri’s neck and another palm wrapped around Yuuri’s chin. Without a word, his uncle titled Yuuri’s head to the side and the palm that bit into his chin was harsh and demanding; Yuuri barely managed to conceal the urge to scramble back. The hand tilted his chin even further until Yuuri’s neck felt like it was a stretched piece of rubber band, and bulky, calloused fingers rose up and caressed the shell of Yuuri’s ear. Up and down, up and down until it snagged on the edge of Yuuri’s earring tag.

“Ah, my sister’s Omega son.” Every ounce of will Yuuri possessed was poured into his body to maintain the stillness that fell into the space between them. Every breath Yuuri took magnified each second, elongating it until it felt like an eternity had passed.

A low, dark chuckle seared through the tension and left pieces of shattered calm in its wake, and when his uncle smiled down at him, all Yuuri could feel was dread because he knew. Yuuri knew that his family was the exception. The whole world treated Omegas with explicit disgust, and it seemed like his uncle was no better.

  
The rough, calloused hand trailed down Yuuri’s cheeks and landed on his nape with a proprietary grip. With a grip that wasn’t gentle or kind. _No_...it was a grip that staked its claim.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter! :)  
> Please leave a comment and tell me your thoughts on the AU so far <3  
> (plus...do you think I should include magic in this world?) 
> 
> And please be careful, dear kastudons :D  
>  
> 
> ******** WARNING! Physical/Child abuse, Depression/Anxiety/really dark thoughts, Slavery, Consent issues ********
> 
> .

The hallway was deathly quiet, filled with the same silence found at graveyards and dimly lit with lamps that flickered ominously in the pervading darkness. The soft, barely audible sounds of muffled voices reached Yuuri’s ears and he barely managed to keep the pool of anxiety -in his gut- from rendering him motionless. A loud bang reverberated through the walls and down the stairs where it traveled up Yuuri’s spine and into the base of his skull. The walls tilted and his stomach clenched in dread with each passing second, and when the heavy door to his uncle’s study slammed open, Yuuri nearly dropped the wet towel in his hands.

The clean floor gleamed with the remnants of water and it reminded him of the small lake behind the mansion. Reminded him of how it froze every winter and how the water turned into a beautiful, glistening block of ice. Clear yet solid. Unmovable and steady.

It was on that ice that Yuuri found a place he could call his own. A place that the tendrils of society and all its complicated rules, couldn’t reach him. Every winter, Yuuri would go to the small lake and skate. Yuuri spent snatches of borrowed time gliding across the ice on makeshift boots that he learnt how to create, and all the other times Yuuri snuck out, he went to the city’s library where his quiet thirst for knowledge was allowed to run wild.

These mansion walls might be his prison, but his mind refused to be shackled and controlled like a docile animal.

“Thank you for your lenience, my friend.” His uncle’s voice reached down the hallway and traveled straight down Yuuri’s chest. His body gave an instinctive, automatic flinch like a pavlovian-trained dog; borne from years of harsh hands, bruises and physical pain so intense it left a permanent scar on Yuuri’s mind, and words that slowly chipped away at Yuuri’s sense of self. Some days, his mind can’t see past the label. Some days, he felt like his whole identity was tied to one word: Omega.

“Of course. Take care, my friend.” The man -his uncle’s friend- had a deep, scratchy voice- probably caused by years of smoking. The man walked past Yuuri’s leaning figure and didn’t even give him a glance, which Yuuri was infinitely grateful for.

As soon as the front door snicked shut, his uncle stepped out of the study. The ensuing silence was as loud as a death knoll. Yuuri’s vision blurred and his breath quickened in small star-like bursts, but through sheer force of will, Yuuri somehow managed to keep his eyes on the floor and keep his hands moving. His hands swept across the floor jerkily and his body gave a shudder when his uncle’s footsteps approached.

The heavy thud-thud-thud of boots on the wooden floorboards made his stomach roll, and Yuuri’s body started trembling when his uncle placed a placating palm on his head. The warmth from that palm burned through Yuuri’s hair like a brand.

There was a pause, but it didn’t bring him any comfort. Just the horrifying feeling of suffocating fear. Yuuri felt like a criminal on the execution block. The knowledge that there was a punishment waiting for him behind that door wasn’t _new_. It was familiar. The kind of knowledge that you knew within your bones, and the aching kind of weary acceptance was an old, childhood friend. Even though Yuuri knew, the spark of fear always plunged his mind into a body-locking terror that dissipated once the resignation seeped in. Once the numbness descended.

The gentle fingers that ran through Yuuri’s dark strands were a facsimile replication of familial affection and he hated it. Loathed the falseness of an Alpha’s actions, so when that hand gripped Yuuri’s hair and viciously tugged his head up, there wasn’t even a flicker of surprise left in any cell of his body.

“You _ungrateful piece of shit_! Going behind my back like that when I took you in and gave you a place to live!”

His uncle’s face was a livid red, and the eyes that loomed down on Yuuri was as ruthless as hurricane. Yuuri brace himself when he saw a flash of movement. A fist came flying out. It slammed into his cheekbone like a brick. Agony blossomed on Yuuri’s cheeks and a grunt of pain escaped his lips.

Yuuri fisted a hand into his stomach and curled over the healing wounds on his ribs. The week-old burn marks on his ribs protested at the sudden movement. There was a snort of disgust before a hand gripped Yuuri’s hair and bodily pulled him forward. The grip was unforgiving. Pinpricks of agony from the roots of Yuuri’s hair overcame all other pain, but before Yuuri could beg he was released. It didn’t last for long because a millisecond later, another hand gripped Yuuri’s neck and squeezed.

Yuuri’s choked-off croak sounded like a dying animal’s scream, however, that didn’t earn him a speck of sympathy (it never did). Just a sharp, darkly-pleased smirk from his uncle.

“Did you know _who_ that was?!-” The hand on Yuuri’s neck squeezed tighter until it felt like there wasn’t any air left in the chambers of his lungs. The tears -held at bay by Yuuri’s refusal to show any weakness- started to slither down his lashes, and when he blinked his shaky vision, those tears streamed down his face with the force of a gushing waterfall.

“-NO! Of course you don’t!” His uncle snarled. The fury in those eyes reminded Yuuri of an avalanche. A few tiny stones on a mountaintop that can cascade into a large, out-of-control natural disaster.

“He’s Nippon’s fucking Head of Education! And he’s here because he caught you fucking _sneaking_ into the public library!”

“No Omegas are allowed in there. What are you going to use that education for? The only thing Omegas are good for is _sex_. You’re fucking _property_ so learn your place, boy!” The words weren’t new to Yuuri’s aching ears. They were words that he has heard over and over again from the mouth of everyone Yuuri’s ever encountered.

The hand around Yuuri’s neck squeezed so tightly that his throat protested, and the cloying feeling rose up his nose until it felt like his head was filled with cotton. Distantly, Yuuri felt his uncle give his neck a brutal shake before the vice disappeared and Yuuri crumpled to the floor like a baby.

Yuuri gasped and gasped, but everything was convulsing. Nothing felt steady. Everything was upside down and fuzzy. There was no escape and no comfort in this dark abyss, so Yuuri curled around himself and cocooned his head, waiting and waiting for the worst to happen.

There was a pregnant pause and the silence was an oppressive force that battered against Yuuri’s fragile shields. A second crawled by and another second crawled by, then there was a deafening _clink_. A clink that played like a broken record in Yuuri’s nightmares.

That was the sound of the metal hand of a _whip_ clinking against a signet ring. The large signet ring that his uncle wore on the right middle finger.

The cat o’ nine tail whip cut through the air with a shrill swish and the tiny, metal hooks attached on the end of each leather strip dragged across Yuuri’s skin. Every drag was a new line of fire and fresh flesh, blood wound. Yuuri choked out a hoarse sob before his raw, stinging throat collapsed. The next few minutes were hellfire personified, where agony mingled with tears, blood and desperate gasps. Yuuri didn’t even notice that his uncle had stopped because every nerve on Yuuri’s skin felt like it had been dipped in acid. He only noticed when his uncle strode forward and gripped his arm in a punishing, savage hold and dragged his limp body across the floor.

The sharp smell of tangy blood trailed after Yuuri’s body like a shadow...Like a _second skin_ and Yuuri wanted to let out a hysterical, delirious giggle, but the agony quickly pushed that fleeting thought away.

His uncle dragged his barely-responsive, delirious-on-pain body to the foot of the stairs and unceremoniously dropped him. Yuuri hit the ground with a yelp and his skull hit the floor with a dull _thunk_.

“Get yourself cleaned up. We’re leaving in an hour. Time for your first bonding meet. You’re 18 now,  _boy_. _It’s time for you to earn your keep._ ”

Yuuri laid there, long after the footsteps walked away, with a yawning, gaping hole of despair and hopelessness in his heart. The musty aroma of yellowed pages and the large, towering shelves of books were remorselessly ripped from Yuuri’s grasp. The lake -the only place Yuuri felt safe in- was like a distant dream, slowly drifting further away from Yuuri’s frantic clutch.

Even his body felt foreign. Felt like it didn’t belong to him.

 _It didn’t_... It belonged to the Alpha that chose him. To the Alpha that his uncle was going to sell him to.

 

* * *

 

The carriage rocked back and forth as it hit a rough patch and Yuuri gritted his teeth at the flash of agony that tore through his nerve endings. The centimeter-thick choker around Yuuri’s neck was like a brand of ownership, and it did nothing to cover the ring of finger-shaped bruises around his neck. Yuuri stared down at the dust stuck under his fingernails, and for a fleeting moment, hoped that his Alpha -whoever it was- would be  _nice. Decent..._

However, as soon as the thought entered Yuuri’s mind, he berated himself for it. Berated himself for the small spark of hope that refused to die. Self-loathing battled with that hope, until it slowly suffocated _all_ the hope from Yuuri’s heart.

When the carriage slowed to a stop and his uncle stood up, Yuuri’s heart was a cold ball of numbness, so much so that Yuuri barely noticed the sweltering palm that gripped his neck and tugged him forward.

The walk was short and the splendor of Rosiya took a backseat to the disassociation Yuuri’s mind was ensconced in. The snowflakes that fell from the sky like tears lingered on Yuuri’s lashes and every breath he took comforted him, because the tingling, icy air soothed Yuuri’s tender throat.

Soon, Yuuri found himself meekly walking behind his uncle with a platoon of guards escorting them to the silver-blue castle that glimmered like a man-made star. When they arrived at the castle, Yuuri was so cold his body stopped shivering. His dissociated state plus the seeping cold created a fugue-like state of shock that settled on Yuuri’s shoulder like a heavy cape. The only thing that kept Yuuri going was the sight of his uncle’s back and the automatic-trained response that had been beaten into him since he was six.

The air of Rosiya’s winter castle was mild against his skin. Even though it was a kingdom of winter, it was warmer than his uncle’s mansion. Warmer than his country, Nippon, ever was.

“Lord Orlov will be with you shortly, High General Katsuki.” One of the knights gave his uncle a short bow before the oak doors of the enormous room were softly closed.

The moment the guard left, his uncle turned to Yuuri and gripped his shoulder hard. There were no words between them because Yuuri (from young) learned that silence meant safety; that silence meant _mercy_.

So Yuuri endured the familiar, calloused touch with stoicism built on years of practice. His uncle’s hand trailed down the flimsy, shimmery blue tunic that was so thin it was nearly transparent. The approving hum that followed was a soothing balm to Yuuri’s stirring fear. Yuuri’s face was tilted back and forth before his uncle ran a finger through the black kohl liner on his eyelids, and then nodded. A few seconds after the brief inspection, there were soft footsteps before the door opened and two figures stepped through.

 

The first figure was an older man in his mid-40s with graying hair and a severe face. Something about those dark, gleaming eyes put a stroke of fear in Yuuri’s bones. A fear that felt like it was a part of his wild instincts. A fear that felt unexplainable, but so deep and true that he couldn’t deny it.

The second man that walked through was so different that it took Yuuri’s eyes a couple of second to register what he saw. The man was breathtaking and something about him rendered Yuuri speechless.

The second man was lean, but every inch of his body was packed with muscle and strength. Every inch of him exuded a soldier’s aura. There was something in his aura that screamed ‘warrior’, and not _just_ any soldier. A warrior that had seen death before; because those clear arctic-blue eyes were tinged with wisdom mingled with flickers of gentleness. The second man was outfitted in a pink coat that had silver and cerulean streaks adorning the seams, and navy-blue winter leggings that were tucked into black-furred military boots.

The two men were talking and Yuuri managed to turn his gaze -in time- back to the tips of his threadbare boots with minuscule holes that he never managed to stitch back, just as they turned around and greeted his uncle.

“Your Majesty. Lord Orlov. I am honoured to meet you today.”

Yuuri’s heart nearly stopped when he realized that the second man was a member of Rosiya’s royalty. The voice that came out of the King’s mouth was placid and amicable, but for some reason, Yuuri heard a barely-audible sliver of distaste directed at his uncle: “High General Katsuki, your reputation precedes you. You’re highly distinguished amongst Nippon’s royal court. I’ve- well, I’ve heard a lot _about you_.”

“Lord Katsuki is an old friend of mine, Your Majesty.” The older man -probably Orlov- swept out an arm and suddenly pointed at Yuuri. The Alphas’ gazes lit his skin on fire and Yuuri wanted nothing more than to snarl at them to leave him alone. To leave his body out of this macabre transaction.

“Thank you for accompanying me today, Your Majesty. This is Lord Katsuki’s charge, and he’s trying to find an Alpha for the Omega boy. An Alpha that has a similar standing to High General Katsuki’s own position.”

Lord Orlov turned around and abruptly placed a hand on Yuuri’s cheek. Yuuri’s body shrunk but, with a monumental amount of effort, he managed to forcefully slow his jack-rabbit pulse down. After the initial fear slowly dissipated away, a surge of low-simmering defiance reared its head up, and Yuuri's eyes shot the air behind Orlov, a hot, barely-perceptible glare. Yuuri’s control must have been weaker than he’d anticipated because Orlov caught the minuscule flare of defiance and roughly grabbed Yuuri’s arm.

Orlov’s hand pressed into the fresh, dark purple-green bruises Yuuri received from his uncle a few hours ago.

Yuuri couldn’t stop the breathless puff of pain that ripped out of his tender throat.   

“ _Orlov!_ -” There was another hand -long and smooth- that shot out and wrapped around the thick, invasive hand on Yuuri’s aching arm.

“This is _not_ the way we do things _here_.” The King’s voice was soft but it cut through the air with the force of an arrow.

The large, rough grip that encircled Yuuri’s arm instantly dropped. The speed, at which Orlov recoiled, was a feat to watch and a humble crumb of awe flickered in Yuuri’s heart.

“Your Majesty, I apologize for any offense created- he will be appropriately taught!-” His uncle’s voice was tight with tension and the threat in those words doused Yuuri’s body in a flood of cold water.

“I’ve chosen, Orlov.” The King interrupted Yuuri’s uncle with one soft, unshakable sentence.

“High General Katsuki, I would like to accept your charge as my Omega.” There was a quantum, infinitely expanding type of silence that descended on the room. The tension was so thick, Yuuri could’ve used a butter knife to cut through it.

“Your Majesty, I have to objec-!” Orlov’s voice was placating and frantic, but the King gave Orlov a heavy, disapproving look.

“Yakov has been nagging at me to choose an Omega to bond with. _Now, I have._ Omegas are rarer than Alphas so the Council can stop _wasting time_ debating about my future-” The small, sharp dig against the Council caught Yuuri by surprise and it nearly pushed a genuine chuckle out of his lips.

“This is my _final_ decision, Lord Orlov. Inform the Council by tomorrow morning.” The King’s voice was not hostile or loud, but the firmness in it was unmistakable and Yuuri saw resignation seep into Orlov’s eyes, before Lord Orlov gave his uncle and the King a hasty bow and strode out the door.

A Beta attendant entered the room flanked by two guards and the King turned to his uncle and gestured to them.

“There is a guest room for you to rest, Lord Katsuki. There is a squad of knights who will accompany you back to Nippon on your scheduled departure time tonight.” HIs uncle’s face was flabbergasted but the sight of concealed anger made Yuuri’s toes curl in sick anticipation.

There was a fake, too-wide smile plastered on his uncle’s face when his uncle responded: “Thank you for your hospitality, Your Highness. It’s truly an honour to meet you.”

The King gave an amicable nod before he waved the attendant over.

Cocooned between two guards, his uncle’s back slowly headed away from Yuuri, but there were no words. No words that Yuuri had left for his uncle. For someone who had tortured and abused him for years, so Yuuri watched his uncle - _no...his abuser_ \- walk away with a detached sense of cold triumph. The type of triumph that you get after an empty act of revenge. The type of empty triumph that _did nothing_. It did not fill any holes in Yuuri’s patched heart nor did it bring him an iota of peace.

“Oh. One _last_ thing, Lord Katsuki. A chest of gold for you, the guardian, in charge of this bond match.”

His uncle stopped, turned around and gave the lowest bow Yuuri had ever seen him give.

“Thank you, Your Majesty. You’re too kind.”

 

As soon as the door closed with an ominous thump, adrenalin drained from Yuuri’s limbs with so much force that his knees wobbled. With a gasp filled with delayed shock and electrically-charged nerves, Yuuri sunk to the ground and pressed a trembling hand to his lips; Trying desperately to muffle the ugly sobs that burst out of him like an explosion.

A warm, lithe hand gently settled in the crook between Yuuri’s shoulder blades.

“Shhh, it’s alright- I know this- this isn’t your choice- _but_ -” The voice was like his mother’s lullaby. It was low and soothing and _warm_...and it brought tears broiling in the corner of Yuuri’s eyes.

With an angry, inner snarl Yuuri gathered the edges of his frayed control and forced them together until a makeshift shield encompassed his mind. The erratic emotions that battered at him were locked behind his shaky defenses, and Yuuri raised his eyes up and met those arctic-blue eyes and silver-blond hair with a neutral gaze.

There was a hint of shock and admiration in the King’s eyes before the blinds in that gaze stuttered. The warmth displayed a moment before was muted, and for some reason, Yuuri missed that warmth with a physical ache.

“My name is Viktor. Viktor Nikiforov. What’s yours?”

Yuuri swallowed the unavoidable tendrils of anxiety before he opened his mouth and whispered: “Yuuri”

There was a flicker of utter shock on -the King- Viktor’s eyes before the most open expression blossomed on Viktor’s face. A look, full of genuine tenderness and utter affection on VIktor’s face, took Yuuri’s breath away. It had been  _so long_ since Yuuri had seen true affection on someone’s face. Seen the warmth of love…

For a lengthy moment, it brought hazy memories of his mother and sister to the surface. It was the first time that something reminded him of them. Reminded him of something _good._

“My brother has the same name.”

Viktor gave Yuuri a small, gentle grin but Yuuri forced himself not to respond. Forced himself to tighten the case of armour around his heart until it was as air-tight as he could make it.

Viktor’s smile didn’t dim but the light in Viktor’s eyes fluctuated.

“I know- I know you don’t want this-”

An unhelpful flash of guilt ran through Yuuri’s limbs and his hands clutched his tunic’s flimsy fabric in knuckled fists.

“Why did you choose me? _Why-_ ” Yuuri’s throat spasmed around the ‘why’ like it was having a seizure. Yuuri’s teeth clicked shut so fast it left his head reeling.

The heartbeat echoing in the spaces behind Yuuri’s ear drums, marched together with his heart rate until both blended into a hybrid thrumming, sonorous pulse of time.

_One- two- three- four- five…_

Viktor pushed himself up and there was a series of pacing footsteps before Viktor stopped near the oak doors. Yuuri couldn’t help the urge to sneak surreptitious glances at Viktor’s striking back like a curious child.

“You reminded me of my mother.”

The admission was as soft as a spring breeze, but the raw, throbbing vulnerability in Viktor’s voice lasted for a millisecond before it evaporated. Like breaths in the cold, winter air. It held the same bittersweet pain that bubbled up when Yuuri thought about his family. The same echo of grief and yearning that Yuuri carried since he was six, and all the air in Yuuri’s lungs left in a whoosh.

As Viktor opened the door without another word and left, Yuuri felt the vice around his chest loosen an infinitesimal degree...enough for the nightmares that followed him into the waking world to waver. Enough for him to feel something other than suffocating fear and numb acceptance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments, kudos, hits in the last 2 chapters! (^_^)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES
> 
> Yuuri = 18 years old  
> Viktor = 21 years old  
> Yurio = 9 years old
> 
> \-------------------------------------------  
> TRANSLATIONS:  
> 1) “Tsaritsa, tsarina or czarina is the title of a female autocratic ruler (monarch) of Bulgaria, Serbia or Russia, or the title of a tsar's wife.” (Source: Wikipedia)
> 
> Uhm ok...I decided to use the word ‘tsaritsa’ as an honorific because there wasn’t a direct translation for King-consort...so I just went with it?  
> Please ignore the fact that it’s only used for female rulers. In this AU it can apply to both female or male. It’s an honorific for the station! σ(≧ε≦ｏ)
> 
> 2) Podsnezhnik = snow drop (according to google translate)
> 
> 3) Solnishko = (little) sun

 The winding corridors and hallways were surprising sparse compared to what Yuuri’s imagination supplied. The walls were ice-blue and the faerie lights that floated along the path glowed with an eternal blue tint that lit the halls with a strange, unorthodox type of warmth.

The snow that painted the sky in a blanket of white outside the large windows seemed brighter and kinder than the summers in Nippon. Yuuri could barely keep his eyes from wandering across every crevice. The only thing that stopped him was the steady footsteps in front of him and the lean, lithe back of his escort, Pavel. The young servant, Pavel, was kind and gentle when he reached for Yuuri’s trembling hands and led him away as soon as Viktor left. When Yuuri glanced up at Pavel and saw the silver earring adorning the boy’s ear, the pang of envy mixed with awe blossomed in Yuuri’s chest like a flower.

Pavel was an Omega but the confidence and the easy way he held himself, made an unnameable emotion well up in the corner of Yuuri’s eyes. In Pavel, Yuuri saw what he could become and what he was not, and there was nothing more hard to swallow than hope that had died.

“Lord Yuuri Katsuki, please relax in your new rooms. I’ll be back with food in a moment.”

The boy’s shaggy, windswept brown head was bent in respectful bow before he sent Yuuri a gentle, warm smile and closed the door with a soft snick.

Yuuri glanced around the room and was amazed by the sheer size of it. The walls were a beautiful, mesmerizing onyx-black colour. The stones gleamed and shone under the bright sunlight streaming through the large windows next to a large bed, and Yuuri couldn’t resist the temptation to place a hand on the bed sheets.

The soft, downy quilt sunk under the weight of Yuuri’s fingers and a deep yearning from his inner child blared incessantly until Yuuri gathered up the courage and sat on the edge of the mattress. An unbidden chuckle tumbled out of his lips when the mattress sunk under his weight and Yuuri couldn’t stop the small grin of joy that tugged on his lips.

Yuuri glanced around the room and the ethereal, warm winter sunlight that bathed everything in a soft golden hues made Yuuri’s eyes sting. He wanted to believe that this room could _finally_ be  _his_ , but the bone-deep insecurities that dwelled within his skeletons weren’t so easily silenced. _This room_. His freedom. His life... _all_ of it was an illusion. A hallucination-induced mirage. Yuuri gripped the hem of his tunic in a death grip and turned his face towards the windows. The warmth of the sun of Yuuri’s face soothed the fear that stained his skin like a deep bruise.

Yuuri hoped -even though his heart had run out of hope a long time ago- that _this time_ it would be different. That this time Yuuri could finally find _a home_.

 

* * *

 

The next few days were quiet and Yuuri was left to explore his room. When Yuuri finally managed to summon up enough courage to wander out of his assigned room, he stumbled upon a beautiful garden filled with weird plants and herbs he had never seen before. Yuuri felt alive for the first time in years.

The next two days were spent collecting these new herbs and bringing them back to his room and experimenting on them. There was nothing more invigorating than the chance to finally explore the magnificent leather-bound tomes that line the shelves in his room or the chance to experiment with new materials and ingredients without feeling like a dead man walking. Yuuri thought that as long as the smell of dusty pages, the faint bubbling sounds of cooking herbs and the smooth glide of metal under his hands continued on forever, he could endure all the pain in the world for one drop of this sweet nectar of freedom.

The metal under his hands warmed and Yuuri brought his attention back to the tiny metal cat littered with complicated strings of runes carved into the metal surface of its body. Yuuri wiped a black soot-covered hand over his brows and lowered his exhausted body towards the ground. The stone floors underneath were warm with magic and Yuuri gently placed the tiny metal cat on the ground in front of him. The pride that swelled within Yuuri’s chest was so pure and fresh it made it hard to breathe, so all Yuuri could do was to sit there and stare disbelievingly at the miniature machine his hands wrought.

Yuuri reached out and placed a finger in the middle of the cat’s forehead where the large ‘life’ rune was etched and focused on the background hum of magic. The hum of magic that existed in every molecule. The hum of energy that was _everywhere._

Under Yuuri’s skin, there were sparks of electricity that were too fast and too intangible to grasp. Yuuri bit his lips and lowered his hand when nothing happened. He stared down at his palms in frustration. Logically, Yuuri knew that Omegas can’t channel the inherent energy in the universe, only Alphas were biologically programmed to be able to access that well of energy, but there was still a tiny glimmer of hope in Yuuri’s chest. A hope that was quickly squashed by his failed attempts.

Yuuri gave another weary sigh before he decided to get up and change into a tunic that had no stains or holes in it, but as soon as Yuuri wobbled up the handle of the door creaked and the door opened.

A small, black blur darted in from the crack in the door before the shape was swallowed up by the darkness of the corners. Yuuri jumped and wariness oozed from every pore of his skin. Yuuri quietly tiptoed forward and snagged the fireplace poker as he inched towards the door.

There at the foot of his bed in the corner right next to the windows sat a small, hunched figure. The moonlight that streamed through windows allowed Yuuri’s eyes to make out the tiny trembling form and Yuuri deflated.

The child was petite and the curtain of golden blonde hair obscured his arms. Yuuri was about to inch away and leave the child to his privacy when a barely audible sob cut through the silence. Yuuri froze, glanced back at the child before his heart folded. With gentle feet, Yuuri lowered himself down until there was only a few centimeters of space separating them.

“Are you ok?” Yuuri’s whisper was shockingly loud against the large walls.

The boy’s head whipped up and Yuuri was met with a pair of watery green eyes that were filled to the brim with misery and frustrated anger. Without giving a reply, the boy turned away and wiped an angry hand across his eyes and furiously erasing any sign of tears, but a second later the boy’s shoulders hunched and he let out an uncontrollable sob. Yuuri glanced around helplessly, hoping to find something that could help the distressed child when his eyes landed on the child’s scraped knees.

Yuuri’s lips tipped up in a nostalgic smile and he slowly stretched out his palm. He made sure that every move he made was seen by the child before he placed his fingers just on the edges of the bleeding scrapes. With a fortifying breath, Yuuri pictured the healing runes in his mind and gently traced a tiny invisible rune on the boy’s knees. Yuuri’s fingertips tingled with the barest hint of magic and he drew back with a shy smile.

“Place your hands on your knees. I promise it won’t hurt anymore.” The boy gave him a dubious glance but Yuuri could see the curiosity flitting around in those wary green eyes. As soon as the child’s palm hovered across the scrapes on his knees, the wound started to immediately knit back and the child gave a shocked gasp.

“How- How did you do that?” The boy’s eyes were filled with awe and Yuuri was met with earnest green eyes and pink cheeks.

“I- well, I used runes that had qualities of speed and healing on your scrapes-” Yuuri didn’t even finish the sentence when the child leaned up and placed a tender palm against the old, faded scar peeking out from his sleeve.

“Are you hurt? Can’t you heal yourself?”

Yuuri placed his hand on top of the child’s and turned it around, until Yuuri had the child’s warm hands cradled in his.

“It happened a long time ago. It can’t heal now and- well, I can’t heal myself. I can only feel the energy but I can’t _use_ magic.”

“Oh…” Yuuri watched in amusement as the child glared daggers at Yuuri’s arms, as if the old scars would fade by will alone.

“It’s ok. It doesn’t hurt anymore.” The boy didn’t even react to Yuuri’s reassurances, he just continued staring into Yuuri’s eyes looking for a hint of a lie, but after a while, the child narrowed his eyes and gave Yuuri a small smile and a satisfied nod.

“Are you- Are you an Omega?” The boy’s whisper was cautious and Yuuri felt his defenses go up, but when he saw the way the boy’s eyes flickered nervously, Yuuri realized that the child didn’t want to accidentally hurt him with that question. The boy was cautious of _Yuuri’s reaction_.

Yuuri bent down and caught the child’s eyes. “Yes. I am.”

Yuuri lips quirked up when the child’s eyes widened. “That’s-that’s really cool! You’re really good at magic, even though you can’t use it. That’s ok-”

The boy, in his excitement, climbed into Yuuri’s lap. Panic clawed at Yuuri’s senses because it had been years since anyone touched him with gentleness. Since someone _-let alone_ a child- willingly sought him out for comfort, and the panic warred with the wonder in his chest until the boy tipped his head back and glanced up.

The fragile trust and nervousness in those green eyes were carbon copies of Yuuri’s own. This boy. _This child_ suffered the same insecurities; suffered with the same yearning for affection but was too afraid to ask for love and too crippled by fear. There was nothing Yuuri could do except cave...cave into the unanswered questions in the boy’s eyes.

Yuuri caved and placed a gentle hand on the boy’s hair and enveloped the boy in a warm embrace with his other arm. After a moment the tension trickled out of the boy’s body and Yuuri was left with an armful of a cuddly, trusting child.

With a fond smile on Yuuri’s lips, he reached into the hidden pocket on his tunic and pulled out his new metal creation. Once the boy’s eyes landed on the cat, Yuuri placed it in the child’s lap. The gasp that the boy made was filled with wonder and short, tiny fingers plucked the cat up and gently inspected it.

“Do you want it?” There was nothing but bright hope and yearning in those green orbs. Yuuri gave a fond chuckle.

“It’s for you. You can have her.”

The child bent his head until the cat was cradled against his tiny chest protectively before a soft, disbelieving murmur escaped the boy’s lips.

“Really..? Pro-Promise?”

Yuuri bent down and cupped the child’s tiny palms in his own and said: “She’s all yours now. Here-” Yuuri guided the child’s fingers to the large rune on the cat’s forehead and gave the boy a mischievous grin.

“Close your eyes and think about summoning your element. Yes- you’re doing great-” The rune on the cat’s forehead glowed a bright arctic blue and then there was a muffled humming sound with metallic clings and clangs before the cat’s tail twitched.

A minute later, the cat shivered and its gleaming metal body unfurled. The child in Yuuri’s arms was barely breathing, afraid to disturb the little golem-like creature on his tiny palm. Yuuri chuckled and guided the boy’s hands to the floor. As soon the boy placed the cat on the floor, it wobbled and stumbled around on unsteady legs until it slowly regained its balance.

The boy curled up in Yuuri’s lap gave an excited gasp and gave the cat a tender poke before he turned eyes filled with reverence and awe towards Yuuri.

“What’s- What’s her name?” That sweet, tiny voice was a reverent whisper that Yuuri had to strain his ears to hear, and it was determinedly muted because the child was afraid that even a whisper might break his new metallic companion.

“She doesn’t have a name yet. Why don’t you give her one?”

The boy frowned down at the inquisitive cat before he scooped it up and placed in on his lap.

“Podsnezhnik.”

When the boy looked up at Yuuri for approval, there was an worried-angry frown on his forehead that was filled with a forced nonchalant type of defensive fear. Yuuri brushed the straggling strands of sun-kissed gold away and said: “I think it sounds great. What does it mean?”

“It means snowdrop. My-” The boy turned his eyes back down to his lap and absentmindedly stroked a finger down Podsnezhnik’s back. “-mother used to call me that. She-She’s not here anymore. She’s gone.”

The child’s shoulders were hunched in quiet misery and the aching pain in those words reflected the same aching pain Yuuri carried around everyday. Everyday, Yuuri carried around a cloak of mourning and this child’s pain called to him like a siren song. Yuuri couldn’t resist the urge to curl around the child and offer comfort that he was never given, so Yuuri gave in to that urge. After a while, the boy curled a small arm around Yuuri’s waist and pressed himself against Yuuri’s chest.

“Thank you for Podsnezhnik. She’s my third friend because-” Yuuri’s eyes blinked open when two small palms framed Yuuri’s cheeks. “Beka is my first friend and you’re my second friend.”

A genuine smile blossomed across Yuuri’s cheeks and Yuuri pulled the boy into a tighter hug.

“Thank you…”

“Don’t thank me, silly. I’ve decided we’re friends so you can’t say no!”

Yuuri shook his head and said: “I’m not going to say no. I can’t do that.”

The boy’s laser strength stare drilled into Yuuri’s gaze like a bulldozer before the child nodded.

“My name’s Yuri. What’s yours?”

“My name is also Yuuri, but it’s spelled with two u’s instead of one...Do you mind if I gave you a nickname? Can I call you Yurio?”

Yuri’s nose crinkled up in distaste, but a few seconds later the boy had an intense, thoughtful look of concentration on his face that slowly smoothed out. Yuri crossed his arms and glanced up at Yuuri before declaring; “Yes, but only Yuu Yuu can call me that! Nobody else can, ok?”

When Yurio reached up and clung to his neck like a limpet, Yuuri mumbled a soft, fond: “Ok…I won’t. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

The next three days passed in a blur with Yurio occupying all the time he spent feeling lonely, and it’s ironic that Yuuri’s first friend was a young nine year old Alpha boy with a petite body and a feisty and colourful personality. A child that was dealt a harsh hand and came out the other end with more skepticism and adult responsibility than any nine year old Yuuri had ever seen. Yuuri couldn’t be more grateful for the company Yurio provided, but whenever Yuuri thanked little Yurio, the boy would scrunch up his nose and scowl out a “Silly Yuu Yuu” before dashing off to play with his friend, Otabek.

“Yuuri! What does this word mean?” Yurio’s voice was filled with frustration and when Yuuri turned around he saw Yurio glaring at the book in his hands with squinted eyes.

“It’s such a stupid word. Why do people use such hard words! Can’t they just use easy words?” Yuuri padded towards the young boy and peeked at the word Yurio pointed at.

“Whimsical- oh, it just means funny, Yurio.”

Yurio gave him an offended stare that Yuuri returned with a fond shrug.

“That’s even more stupid.” was Yurio’s mumbled reply before the young boy focused on the yellowed age-stained pages.

There was a knock and Yurio dropped the book with a sigh of relief before he scrambled towards the door and flung it open. There, on the threshold of Yuuri’s room was Viktor Nikiforov decked out in his usual blue-laced-pink suit accompanied by a simple golden crown and a cloak dyed in a rich, deep azure shade that complimented Viktor’s blue-green eyes.

“Yuratchka- _what_ -”

The young boy flung himself forward and wrapped an arm around Viktor’s waist. Yuuri was stunned at Yurio’s display of emotion. It was the first time Yuuri seen the boy show that much vulnerability and Yuuri’s heart melted.

“Where did you go, Vitya?”

Viktor’s eyes softened and the king lowered himself until he met Yurio’s eyes. “I’m sorry for leaving for so long...I had attend a Coronation ceremony outside Rosiya.”

Viktor drew Yurio into a tender hug and placed a soft kiss on the boy’s forehead before the king bumped their heads together and whispered something low in Russian. The words drew a reluctant chuckle from Yurio before the boy turned around, gave Yuuri a shy wave and darted out the door.

Yuuri was left with a muted room and a king. A king whose smile was too wide and too forced. Whose eyes had creases of tension and whose shoulders were bearing the weight of exhaustion.

“If I disturbed you in any way, I apologize, but we should talk.” Strangely, the sight of world-shattering tension on Viktor’s shoulders and the way his blue eyes flitted across the wooden beams of the doorway made the ball of fear in Yuuri’s chest loosen. Yuuri stepped back and held the door open wider in silent invitation, and the moment Viktor stepped inside Yuuri hastily closed the door and migrated to the dining table.

The wooden chair creaked under Yuuri’s hands and he wondered if wood rotted like broken marriages or rotted from the inside out like maggot-infested dying trees.

“Yuuri-” The sound of his name on Viktor’s lips felt right and wrong at the same time. Yuuri wanted run away from this - _whatever this is_ \- like a feral, wounded animal but the only thing that stopped him in his tracks was the hint of kindness Viktor gave him during their first meeting. The hint of kindness that Yuuri held on to like it was hope reincarnated.

“I’m sorry. I left so abruptly -and I know it wasn’t a good time to leave just like that-” The king’s shoulder’s hunched as if Viktor was trying to make himself seem smaller. Less intimidating. _Less blue-blooded._

“If you-” When Yuuri’s eyes flickered up from the lines he traced into the wooden grains of the chair, Viktor’s eyes were gentle. _Apologetic_.

“If you don’t want this, it’ll stop. Say the word and this will end. I-” There was a hint of old pain. A deep pain that permeated your body until everything’s agony and pain is oxygen to your decaying lungs.

“I will never be like the Alphas you see. I’ll never be like _that_.” The thinly veiled self-disgust in the last word echoed in Yuuri’s ears and befuddled his senses until it felt like the world was upside-down.

Viktor reached up, tiredly lifted the crown off his head, and stared at the shining gold in his hands. “Do you want this?”

Yuuri didn’t say a word because he knew that if his lips cracked, all the **_nonono-not really_** would spill out and there would be nothing left on the table but Yuuri’s gushing heart and defenseless soul, so he pressed his lips together and sat there with the silence protectively wrapped around his shoulders.

“What I said- What I said before. That was all a facade. My-” Viktor’s eyes were filled with grim resignation.

“My station. _This crown._ It demands certain things and- well, sometimes I have to say things that I don’t intend to follow through with. It- it’s not binding.”

Yuuri didn’t dare to look up because the dull shudder that vibrated through his body sunk into his bones with dead certainty. With the certainty and enthusiasm of a person trapped under concrete. A person hovering between a devil that you know and a devil that you don’t know.

“There’s nothing else. I- I don't know.” The words had to be mentally ripped out of his throat and Yuuri winced at the dull, dead tone of his own voice. His vision swam and every atom in his body throbbed with uncertainty and defeat, and Yuuri felt the bitter aftertaste on his tongue like the stain of unwanted sex.

There was a long, drawn out moment of silence where nothing moved and the world crawled at the pace of Yuuri’s thudding heart. Then, Viktor crossed the space between them and stopped in front of Yuuri. A lithe, calloused hand reached out and placed a small metal chain in front of Yuuri’s line of sight.

“Ok, Yuuri.” The metal chain under Viktor’s fingers gave a clink. A soldier’s metallic tags greeted him and he edged forwards and grabbed them.

The metal grew warm under Yuuri’s touch, and after a moment spent staring, Yuuri ran a gentle finger across the carved name and number before he slipped it over his neck. The tags were not constricting like chokers or collars were, instead they were lighter than any identification jewelry Yuuri had ever worn; but they were also heavier. The tags were filled with a heavy sort of commitment. A sort of responsibility that carried psychological weight and Yuuri didn’t know if he could ever bring himself to answer _that weight_.

So when the door opened with a creak, a whisper tumbled out of Yuuri’s mouth like an avalanche. A man-made disaster...Yuuri’s _own_ man-made disaster.

“Do you want _me_?” Behind Yuuri the creaking door froze and silence doggedly descended on the heels of that bone-weary question.

“I don’t _not_ want you as my Omega. _You_ -you remind me of the things--the people I've _lost_. The people I loved.” The equally soft reply echoed in the space between them like a gong and that murmur ran across Yuuri’s skin with a cold ghostly touch. It made the hairs on his arms stand up and everything became unbalanced. Unhinged. Everything was incomprehensible and the hard, metal edges of the dog tags bit into Yuuri’s palm.

The ring the accompanied the dog tags was elegant and Yuuri absentmindedly pressed the royal insignia of Rosiya into his skin until he felt the ring’s impression in his bones.

“Good night, Yuuri.”

A last kind whisper by his Alpha ( _bonded-bondedbonded_ ) aggravated his voice box until the same words finally managed to roll out of his lips.

“Good night, Vik-Viktor.” Yuuri’s tongue caught on his Alpha’s name like a clumsy two-year old, but there was a pause from Viktor before the door closed with a barely audible thump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! :)  
> I'm so sorry for the long hiatus (i can't believe it's been a month!). I was really busy in RL because I had to move houses/places and...woah that was a hassle I never want to repeat for a few years. XD
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter?...I don't know I'm not too satisfied with how I wrote this chap (｡ŏ﹏ŏ)
> 
> After going a month without writing much, my skills have gotten a bit rusty, but thank you for all your continued support! <3
> 
> (*blows butterfly kisses*)  
> Thank you for all the amazing comments, kudos, hits and bookmarks in the last chapter! (^_^)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your continued support! I'm sorry for such a long hiatus, but everything's been a bit better in RL now so I feel a bit more mentally and emotionally stable. I'm really really really sorry for the absence and I hope that I haven't disappointed everyone o(╥﹏╥)o 
> 
> I know this is long overdue but here's my gift to you. Thank you for being such an amazing and supportive community! I feel so damn blessed and cared for <3
> 
> Love,  
> Aydsa
> 
> (small side note = I haven't really edited this yet so please be gentle!)

The gentle warmth of the sun on his skin woke Yuuri up and, for a short moment, he was completely disorientated by the plush mattress underneath his hands and the ornate sky blue ceiling that met his sight. The cobwebs that clung to Yuuri's mind were surprisingly persistent in the face of the morning sun. It was only the feeling of something metallic like a pinprick on the center of Yuuri's breastbone that brought the memories of blue eyes and silver hair to the forefront of his mind.

Yuuri clambered up and gingerly ran a hand across the dangling dog tag and ring that hung across his neck like a noose. Yuuri grasped the dog tag and ring tight in his hands and brought it towards his chest. All of this…This place. The position he's in now. All of it wasn't a dream, and Yuuri didn't know if that was better or worse than the life he had before. The ball of uncertainty and fear that sat like a constant phantom ache in his bones was still as strong as a burning sun, but there was something about the country- something about the way Viktor's shoulders hunched with the weight of the world- that made that ball of uncertainty and fear waver.

The niggling shred of hope in the back of Yuuri's mind pushed him out of bed and kept his limbs moving, and after a week of tasting freedom the fear that trembled under Yuuri's every action grew quieter until it was barely a whisper in the corners of Yuuri's mind.

The clink of the signet ring against Vik-Viktor's dog tags drew Yuuri's attention away from the dark thoughts that were circling his mind like hungry vultures. Yuuri hastily pulled on the beautiful, silky tunic over his head before he donned the ivory black leggings neatly set on the study desk.

Just as Yuuri was figuring out a way to fasten the clasps of his boots, there was a heavy thump-thump-thump against the doors. Yuuri barely managed not to trip over his feet rushing towards the sound before he tentatively peeked out the corridor.

"Yuuri! I don't want to go to the stupid lesson, so you have to help me hide."

Yuuri was met with the sight of a frustrated, annoyed boy whose green eyes flickered and promised retribution to any poor soul that dared approach.

"Your Highness- please- your lesson has-" The young prince's personal caretaker, Dariya, came careening towards them but before she got halfway down the long corridor, Yurio huffed, dove through the door to Yuuri's room and slammed it shut.

Yuuri stared with shock at the huffing boy in front of him for a millisecond, before the sound of Dariya's voice pleading through the grains of the door pushed Yuuri into action.

"Yurio?-" Yuuri knelt down in front of Yurio and gently tugged the boy's hands towards him. There was a long moment of resistance before Yurio's disgruntled pout turned into a small, shy smile.

"I don't want to go study with dumb Alexeev. He's always so strict and gives me all the hardest things to learn. It's not fair! I want to go out and play with Beka!"

Yurio's voice was filled with anger and indignation, but Yuuri could still hear the desperate loneliness and yearning for attention expertly masked underneath Yurio's tones, and Yuuri's heart melted. He reached forward and slowly ran gentle fingers through golden, sun-kissed strands.

"I-It's ok, Yurio. How about a compromise?-" Yuuri's voice trailed off and his lips ticked up in a warm smile.

"I'll take you to your lesson and wait for you until you finish, ok? Would that be better?" There was a beat of silence that made Yuuri's palms sweat and the furrow in his brows tense, but it was immediately dispelled by the sight of the blush hidden behind Yurio's curtain of hair.

"Do-Do whatever you want, dumb Yuu Yuu!" Yuuri chuckled at the young boy's stammering words and before Yuuri could retort, the child launched himself at Yuuri, wrapped two small hands around Yuuri's arm and pulled him towards the door.

Yurio flung the door open with a slam and they were instantly met with the relieved faces of Dariya and Kostya, Yurio's personal guard.

"Thank god!- Prince Yuri, you must come to the library. Lord Alexeev has been waiting for an hour for your arrival-"

Dariya, the older brunette lady knelt before Yurio and began fussing over his skewed clothing and tying up his hair. Yurio growled in annoyance but there was a type of deep gentleness in the way he treated all the servants, knights and attendants in the castle. The boy's heart was pure and beautiful in a way that stole Yuuri's breath away. The stark differences between Nippon's rulers and Rosiya's royals were overwhelming, and sometimes Yuuri felt like an outsider in an alternate reality.

There was a soft clinking sound in front of him before a low, rumbly voice addressed him. "Lord Yuuri. Thank you for bringing the young prince so much comfort."

The older knight with copper blonde hair executed a low, humble bow that made the breath in Yuuri's lungs freeze in panic. This was the first time anyone addressed him with respect and Yuuri didn't know what to do with it. How to repay that respect…and Yuuri's mouth opened and closed like a floundered fish until Sir Kostya took pity on him and gave another warm bow.

"My Prince, I would be happy to escort you to your lesson. We wouldn't want another  _incident_  to happen, do we?" Kostya's hazel eyes twinkled with mirth and Dariya gave the knight an amused huff.

Yurio gave them an unimpressed, judgmental glare that could kill a lesser man but after a while, the boy leaned up, grabbed Yuuri's hand, stuck his tongue out at their escorts and took off down the hallway with Yuuri in his grasp.

Yuuri arrived at the library and nearly collapsed onto the floor at their abrupt stop. Yurio stood in front of him with his head held high and barely a hair out of place, and Yuuri felt momentary dread at the mischievous smirk on Yurio's face, but thankfully Dariya arrived in time and scooped the boy up into her arms.

"Your Highness, please don't run down the stairs like that! What would happen if you got hurt?!"

The library door opened with a swish and they were all corralled in by a frazzled Dariya. Yurio struggled in her arms for a moment before giving up.

"Lord Alexeev, I apologize for the time-"

"It's quite alright, my dear."

There was an older, greying man in the upper levels of the public library with navy-blue robes lined with snowflakes with the back surface proudly adorned with the flag of Rosiya. The old man, silvery and grey with age with wrinkled hands and a tall, proud figure greeted them with a smiling face and a hearty chuckle.

"Ah, your highness. You didn't hide for too long today. Did this young man here convince you to come?"

Lord Alexeev's eyes were open and welcoming and Yuuri's body unconsciously relaxed.

"Thank you for bringing the young prince here. You are a miracle worker, my lord."

Yuuri blushed and couldn't say anything. All the words escaped him and Yuuri could only give a small hasty nod before he skittered back towards the stairs. The urge to find somewhere quiet and  _alone_  to hide was overwhelming, but before Yuuri ran down the stairs Yurio reached out and pulled him into a hug.

"Dariya will take you to the library downstairs. I know you'll love it!" Yurio's whisper was like a secret shared between the best of friends and the gleam in the blonde's eyes was sharp with authority.

"Yea-Yeah, that sounds nice Yurio...Will-Will you come find me later?" Yurio gave a reassuring nod and Dariya swooped in with a soft nudge and kind hands.

"My Lord, the main library is this way."

Yuuri was led down the same flight of stairs and deeper into the heart of the library where shelves upon shelves of musty tomes and paper treasures rested. The sight of the towering ceiling stretching as far as the eye can see into the sky visible through the skylight was breath-taking, and Yuuri couldn't help the breathless sound of awe that tumbled from his lips. Decades and centuries of knowledge were distilled into priceless books and Yuuri's heart ached with a visceral, physical yearning to reach out and curl around all that knowledge like a fetus. The memory of his hometown, Hasetsu's public library, was a dull visage compared to the splendor of the Winter Castle's library.

As soon as Yuuri was left by himself at the large oak tables in the reading area, his feet unconsciously whisked him away. Before he was aware of it, he had a large book of rune construction in his hands.

The large, heavy tome felt like heaven in Yuuri's hands and Yuuri gingerly flipped it open before delving into the age-stained pages. Yuuri was so engrossed in the words of the book and the utterly new methods of rune construction that he didn't notice a steady presence a few bookshelves over, until the sound of a chair being pulled out abruptly grabbed his attention.

Next to Viktor's strong, imposing figure was a lithe form with blood-red hair in a stunning piece of body armour. Yuuri didn't know what caught his eye, but he couldn't seem to rip his sight away from Viktor's frame. There was a nervous and anxious flutter of energy underneath his sternum that slowly grew until all Yuuri could feel was the burning-hot chain around his neck and the imprint of the King's dog tags against his skin.

He must've made a sound because, in a split second, Viktor's spine straightened and he cast his eyes around. As soon as Viktor's blue eyes crashed against his brown ones, Yuuri felt a phantom jolt of electricity from the crown of his head all the way down to his toes.

It left Yuuri speechless.

Viktor whispered something to the red-haired knight before she straightened, bowed and left them alone. The next thing Yuuri was aware of was Viktor's shining eyes and warm smiles.

"Yuuri, how are you today? Do you like the library?"

The air between them was awkward and still stilted with a heavy, coiling type of tension, and Yuuri's heart constantly warred with the urge to flee whenever Viktor was beside him.

"It-It's stunning." The truth melted on his tongue like butter and Yuuri felt the ghost of joy and love on the tip of his eyelashes like fragile snowflakes.

When Yuuri glanced towards Viktor, there was a soft, unnamable type of shock swirling in those blue eyes.

"Thank you. This-" Viktor gestured towards the looming shelves with simmering pride "-is the most beautiful place in the Winter Castle. One of my favourite places…it's- well- it's always been my haven."

Yuuri glanced at the large, deep mahogany brown shelves and allowed himself to savour the magnificence of the place.

"Libraries…they're my sanctuaries too."

Yuuri had never allowed anyone to see this side of him because he was afraid someone would take them away. Take the books, the ice, the cobbled-together skates and  _his_ creations away, so he held them tight and protected them with all the walls he could conjure up. They were the only things in the world that were truly  _his_. The world could claim his body, they could destroy his mind and force him into servitude, but they could never take the things that  _made_ his identity  _real_ …The things that  _shaped_  him.

Viktor's voice was a barely audible whisper that echoed with devastation that clawed at your esophagus, until your voice has been reduced to a bitter, wrenching croak.

"Thank you for sharing  _that_ \- your secret. I-well– I know how hard that is. How relieved and foolish you feel afterwards," The words from Viktor's mouth tripped over itself and -for a suspended moment in time- it sounded exactly the same as the ghostly voice Yuuri carried with him every millisecond of his life.

Yuuri's breath stopped cold in his chest and there was nothing except the sudden numb shock that vibrated through his body.

Viktor glanced at Yuuri. The shock must have been as plain as day on his face because the curve of Viktor's mouth ticked up in a dry, sympathetic smile in response.

"I-" Yuuri's voice cracked and he had to clear his throat before the words agreed to corporate.

"No- No one has said that to me before." The confession was torn out Yuuri's lips like it had a life of its own and Yuuri's erratic breaths betrayed the mask he's maintained for so long.

There was another thrum of pensive silence from the Alpha King.

"Me neither. It's- It's been hard for me. These past few years…I've hidden too."

Yuuri's hands reached out (of its own accord) and before Yuuri could consciously stop himself, his hands encircled the necklace dangling from his neck in a white-knuckled grip. The metal of the ring and tags were strangely warm with sentiment and comfort in Yuuri's sweaty palms.

The moment Yuuri's hands closed around them, Viktor's eyes widened and the King's lips parted in a silent "oh…"

"You kept them- I didn't think that you would ever keep them  **on**  you. I thought-my only hope was that you kept them somewhere safe- Not with you like _that."_ Viktor's eyes shone with undecipherable emotions that forcefully stirred the spluttering flame in the darkest depths of Yuuri's mind.

The King reached out a hand and it lingered in the yawning space between them like a star. The words that fell from Viktor's lips into that space were devastatingly simple and honest, but for some reason, it ripped a gaping hole in Yuuri's defenses so  _damn_   _fast_  it left him reeling.

"Thank you, solnishko."

All Yuuri could focus on was the flecks of white, icy-blue flecks cradled in the ocean blue ring of Viktor's eyes. Viktor's hand dropped from its suspended mid-air position like a puppet with its strings cut, and he slowly pushed up from the stone floors.

Yuuri glanced down at the book in his arms before he reluctantly closed the cover of the book and slid it into the empty spot on the shelf. However, before the book slid all the way in, Viktor's hand wrapped around the spine of the book. The action stopped Yuuri in his tracks and he nervously glanced at the Alpha to see if he broke any library etiquettes, but instead of scorn or disgust, Yuuri was met with a fond grin and twinkling eyes.

"Take whatever you need, Yuuri. This library is foreveryone."

Yuuri couldn't believe his ears. It sounded like it was too good to be true, so Yuuri tugged the book slowly towards his chest and waited for a strike to happen. After a while, when there was no sign of retaliation, the hunched-up defensive pose that curled Yuuri's bones loosened its control until it felt like his body could finally breath.

After securing his hold on the precious book, Yuuri turned his attention back to the waiting King and gave Viktor his first genuine smile in  _years_. The small smile made the muscles on Yuuri's cheeks ache and he blushed when he realized that he probably looked like a creepy psychopath.

Instead of laughing, Viktor returned a smile that was wider, but it was still as fresh and sincere as clear water on a summer day.

"Yuuri, I want to show you something special to me. I don't know why I want to...even though we haven't known each other for long I want to share this with you."

Viktor's eyes were surprisingly calm but the King's voice belied his bravado, and in the face of this bravery, Yuuri was helpless. The only thing Yuuri could've done was to accept that sweet, trembling invitation.

"Is that ok?"

 _"_ _Ye-Yes. I-_ uh _-_ I would be honoured." Yuuri's barely audible reply was wrapped up in Viktor's rambling words. A second later Viktor nodded jerkily, cleared his throat and gestured forwards. Yuuri followed the line of Viktor's back as they walked towards their destination until they stopped suddenly in front of a large wall with the mural of a gigantic silver phoenix wrapped around a majestic blue dragon.

Viktor gestured at the empty air with a wave of his hand and Yuuri was puzzled at that random action, when he glimpsed flashes of armour and black shadows from the peripheral edges of his vision.

The red-haired knight (from before) stepped out from shadow of the shelf behind them and bowed.

"Mila, secure this location and make sure Volkov's watchers are on standby."

"Don't get your pretty knickers in a twist, Your Majesty. I'll take care of it as always." The red-head's voice was playful and light, but Yuuri heard an undercurrent of dagger-like ferocity that made the hairs on Yuuri's arms tingle.

Viktor nodded in satisfaction before he turned towards the mural and placed a hand in the middle of the intertwining creatures where there was a dish-sized white circle.

The moment Viktor's hand pressed against the circle, it glowed a vibrant lightning blue colour and Yuuri gasped when the surrounding temperature dropped into realms of arctic chill.

The ice magic that seeped into the air was heady and Yuuri felt the cackle of his own weak omega magic respond. Viktor's magic permeated the air and the sheer power that poured from the King was cloying and painful, but for some reason, Yuuri felt safe.  _Protected._

There was a cackle that fizzled through the air, followed by a resounding thump before the wall shifted and split in half. Yuuri stared at the newly-emerged door in stupefaction and, when Yuuri tried to take a few steps forwards, he nearly slid on the thin layer of ice that covered the floor as the result of Viktor's magic.

The only thing that stopped Yuuri from braining himself was the large palm that steadied him.

Yuuri blushed, shyly glanced up at Viktor and mumbled out a messy "Thank you."

It took a few seconds for Yuuri to figure out a way to walk on the paper-thin layer of ice without face-planting. Before he knew it he was standing inside a cavernous room with black, jewel-sparkled ceilings that simulated the night sky and golden pillars that were painstakingly engraved with snowflakes mingled with mammals that roam Rosiya's sprawling landscape.

This room was a masterpiece of love and labour. The mechanic and creator in Yuuri's heart cried out in joy and veneration, and Yuuri couldn't stop the whisper that flowed out even if he tried.

"It's-It's amazing."

Yuuri's words were rewarded with a blinding smile –more open and thrilled- than any other smiles directed at him so far.

"It's beautiful, isn't it? This room belonged to my mother." Viktor's voice dimmed and it was as if the memory of his mother was too fresh,  _too raw_  to recall.

"She always brought us here and before she passed away, she entrusted this room to us. This was our sanctuary-" Viktor's eyes flickered with shards of a broken heart and the love that bled through those words dragged Yuuri's memories of green meadows and warm motherly hugs to the forefront of his mind.

The emotions that those long-buried memories evoked left a lump in Yuuri's throat that was too hard to even cry around. The only thing that Yuuri could do was to nod because anything else would've left him a blubbering mess on the floor.

"No, it is still our sanctuary." Viktor gave him a lopsided smile that was bittersweet and Yuuri's palm jolted with the desire to offer comfort.

With a hesitant glance, Yuuri gathered up his courage, reached out and placed a light and gentle palm on Viktor's arm.

"It sounds like she was kind and loving." Yuuri murmured, hoping to all the deities that his words brought a modicum speck of comfort.

" _She was_  and we loved her fiercely." The simmering undercurrent of pain in Viktor's eyes dulled until it was semi-replaced by bittersweet affection and warmth that made Yuuri's stomach flutter in accomplishment.

Whywas seeing Viktor smile an accomplishment?

Yuuri desperately looked around for a distraction. A distraction away from his dangerous thoughts, when Yuuri's eyes were quickly captured by a large one meter long portrait of a stunning, alluring woman with wavy golden hair that were littered with tiny streaks of platinum silver, and eyes that radiated a vivid icy blue.

"She's beautiful, Viktor." Beside him, Yuuri heard Viktor give a fond sigh.

"Yes, she's  _stunning_." Viktor headed towards wall where the portrait hung in front of a fireplace and burgundy red chaise loungers before taking a seat on one of the chaise loungers. Yuuri was spell-bound and his feet carried him towards Viktor's magnetic orbit. This vulnerable, open side of Viktor was a drug that he couldn't resist. No one had ever shown Yuuri that much attention and that much trust before and it set a flame underneath all those emotions Yuuri thought he'd burned away a long time ago.

Yuuri warily took a seat on the unoccupied chaise lounger. He was deathly terrified of disturbing Viktor and Yurio's special place or, heaven forbid, ruin something in this room by accident, but before Yuuri's anxiety levels even had the chance to spike, his eyes were seized by a pair of white, highly cherished skates proudly displayed on the fireplace mantle.

Viktor must have seen his startled, distracted reaction because the alpha leaned forwards and gestured to the gleaming shoes.

"Those were my mother's skates. She was a geniuson the ice. She loved skating so much that she roped us into it too. Do you know how to skate, Yuuri?"

Yuuri glanced down at his feet and his imagination immediately conjured up the icy lake behind his uncle's house where he ran away to escape from the harsh realities of life with battered boots that were haphazardly cobbled together into a somewhat-usable pair of skates.

Yuuri was talking before his mind caught up to his mouth. "There was a lake in my hometown and every winter I would sneak out and skate there for hours. I didn't know how to skate in the beginning but I slowly taught myself…"

Yuuri glanced up and the weight of Viktor's undivided attention slammed into Yuuri's defenses like a battering ram. The words that dropped out of Yuuri's heart were more sincere than anything he had ever admitted to another person.

"On the ice, I'm just  _me_. No- No labels. Nothingexcept _me_  and the feeling of freedom under my feet."

The fringe that fell across Viktor's face concealed the Alpha's response to Yuuri's words. Viktor's reaction completely overwhelmed him in all the worst possible ways.

"Yuuri, please open your palm." Viktor inched towards him and reached across the table separating them. Yuuri cocked his head in bewilderment whilst he stretched his palm out.

Something cold and heavy landed in middle of Yuuri's palm and it took Yuuri a full minute to figure out the odd metal shape in his hands, but when Yuuri figured it out, he stuttered and desperately thrust the key back towards Viktor.

"No, I can't- you can't possibly give me this!"

Viktor just simply chuckled and leaned back against the chaise.

"It's yours, Yuuri. Yuratchka and I can enter easily with our magic but you can't-" When Viktor's eyes collided against Yuuri's gaze, they were soft with  _something_  he didn't dare acknowledge.

"I want this to be  _your_  sanctuary too. You've lost yours.  _Please_ let me give you one here."

Yuuri could do nothing but gulp through the hot lump that sat on his chest like a bubbling volcano. The emotion Yuuri saw brimming in Viktor's eyes…well, it was trust.

However, the trust that the key represented was so priceless -so monumental- that Yuuri had no idea how to respond to it. How to ever repay it…Yuuri had nothing to offer apart from his damaged body and scarred heart that was incapable of love. He had nothing to bargain with, and that thought brought bright, frantic panic to boil underneath his skin.

The only thing that Yuuri could think of to repay this offering was to trust Viktor more. To open up his heart an infinitesimal amount more to his new country and its people.

To let down his walls so that, once in a while, he could finally see the sun.

So, Yuuri opened his mouth, forced open his heart and laid out one small nugget of truth from his soul. This was the first piece of truth that Yuuri had willingly and consciously chosen to lay bare.

Every atom of Yuuri's body protested in defensive fear but Yuuri managed to grit out a painful: "Viktor!"

The alpha turned around and those blue eyes grew wide with astonishment.

"I-I  _don't know_ how to-- This is the first place that has made me feel safe. No other place has…has given me  _this_. No other person has given me something like _this-_ "

The words faltered in his mouth like ash, and Yuuri had to hoard up courage in his diaphragm with ungodly speed before his foolish bravery had the chance to waver.

"Thank you, Viktor." The gratitude that lit up the air between them was nothing short of a tired, relieved prayer.

"You're welcome, Yuuri."

* * *

The gardens were bathed in the moon's tranquilizing glow and rows and rows of trees and neatly cultivated plants lined the spacious, arcing land. The wildness of the plants spoke to him and Yuuri quickly found himself wandering among the wildlife of the Royal Gardens every day. Yuuri visited the the gardens so frequently that the knights that patrolled the area and the gardeners that tended the plants, knew him on sight and never failed to warmly greet him.

Yuuri glanced down at the piece of paper in his hands and squinted at the delicate drawing of the white breath flower. Just as Yuuri was about to give up on being able to find the flower for his healing potions, he saw a familiar white glint buried under an intertwined mass of vines.

"Finally, I've found you." Yuuri tiringly muttered under his breath.

He plucked the flower up and gently placed it in a jar before packing the container into his satchel. Halfway through Yuuri's perusal of the surrounding plants and flowers, he felt a distant spark of magic being casted. Magic that only an alpha could cast.

Before Yuuri's brain caught up with his feet, he was already wandering over to the source of magic. When Yuuri peeked out behind the trunk of an elm tree, he saw Yurio sitting on the edge of the Garden's main fountain with a tiny, metallic cat on his lap and water dancing in the air.

The water shifted and formed into the shape of a tiger before falling apart to form beautiful shards of ice. Yuuri stepped out from behind his hiding spot and smiled at Yurio's startled expression.

"Yurio, that was  _so_  pretty."

Yurio scowled at him before the young boy sniffled, crossed his arms and shuffled over. Yuuri could barely suppress his giggles at Yurio's invitation, but by sheer force of will the only thing that Yuuri did was grin teasingly at the boy.

"There's nothing pretty about it. It's just basic magic. Vitya's so much better at it."

Yuuri hummed in thought, and waited until Yurio scooted closer before he looped an arm around the young boy's shoulders and tugged him closer.

"What are you doing out here all alone, Yurio? Aren't you supposed to be having dinner?"

Yurio scowled at his question. There was a beat of silence before Yurio answered petulantly: "I don't want to go and eat in the  _stupid_  dining room."

Yuuri frowned down at the boy's hair, trying to figure out what the note of wrongness was and when he realized what it was, Yuuri cradled Yurio close and squeezed all the love he could muster into his next words.

"I'll come eat with you next time. _I promise_."

Seconds ticked past and the tiny body in Yuuri's arms grew taut with tension. The unyielding body in Yuuri's arms reminded him of the faint memories he had left of Mari's strong arms and powerful piggy-back rides, and Yuuri sighed into the crown of Yurio's head.

There was an invisible pop in the atmosphere and it was like all the tension in the air simultaneously disappeared. Yurio's body sagged in Yuuri's arms and the next thing he knew; there was a trembling  _lonely_  boy with too much weight and responsibility on his small shoulders, in Yuuri's grasp.

"Vitya rarely comes to eat with me in the dining room- and- it's- _it's just so big!"_ The heart-breaking whisper was muttered against Yuuri's tunic but, for some reason, he could feel it all the way to his bones.

"Yurio-  _Yurio_. It's ok- It'll be ok, I promise." Yuuri tilted Yurio's face up and gently wiped the tears off the boy's cheeks.

"You're not alone.  _You're not alone_." Yuuri's murmurs were a vehement oath. An oath that Yuuri had always wished someone said to him when he was a lonely, aching child with too many scars and not enough love.

"I'm  _scared_. What if- what if Vitya doesn't love me anymore?" Yurio's trembling voice and defensive, tear-filled eyes chipped at Yuuri's heart and he caved like cotton candy.

"Viktor will always love you so don't ever forget that, ok Yurio?" Yuuri stroked a hand down the boy's head, cupped Yurio's cheeks and gently knocked their foreheads together. The miniscule, wobbly smile that blossomed in response to their forehead bump made Yuuri's stomach go weak with relief.

Yuuri had no idea what he was going to do if Yurio continued crying, and the perceptive boy must have seen some of Yuuri's weariness and panic bleed through because Yurio reached up and pinched Yuuri's cheeks in retaliation.

"I'm tired. I want to go back to my room and sleep. Carry me, Yuuri!" There was a mischievous gleam in those green eyes and Yuuri was helpless against the power of Yurio's pouts, so he acquiesced, bent down and picked Yurio up.

The walk back to the Royal wing was long, but it was filled with a comfortable type of silence. A silence that was companionable and freeing. After a while, Yuuri found himself humming his mother's lullaby under his breath. Instead of provoking a dull, throbbing pang of emotion under his sternum, the memory of the melody soothed him.

When Yuuri glanced down at heavy weight in his arms, Yurio's head was nestled against his shoulders and the young boy was fast asleep. Surprise mingled with a protective, expanding type of fondness clogged the airways of his lungs; Yuuri was absolutely blown away by the trust little, feisty Yurio placed  _in_  him.

Yuuri sighed and placed a gentle kiss on Yurio's forehead, before gingerly opening the tiger-striped door to the boy's room. There was a metallic clink underneath Yuuri's feet and Yuuri peered down at Podsnezhnik, the little robot-golem kitten he had created for Yurio.

Podsnezhnik pawed at his leggings and head-butted his ankles, and Yuuri smiled when he realized that the kitten was worried for Yurio so he nudged the door open with his foot and gestured inside. Podsnezhnik shot into the room and immediately climbed up onto the bed, and as soon as Yurio's body hit the bed, the little kitten clambered onto Yurio's chest and curled up into a ball with watchful, glinting eyes.

Yuuri pulled up the comforter, tucked the boy in and arranged Yurio's hair into a neat braid. However, before Yuuri managed to tie off the braid, the door opened with a soft snick and Viktor stepped into the room.

Surprise flashed across Viktor's face the second the alpha caught sight of Yuuri and he offered the king a shy wave.

"Yuuri? What are you doing here?"

Yuuri straightened, cleared his throat at the tendrils of wariness in Viktor's tones and took a seat at the foot of the king-sized bed.

"um-Yurio fell asleep so I carried him back to his rooms. I know that I'm not su-supposed to be here and I'm-I'm sorry- I just-"

Distantly, Yuuri heard the nervous rambles that tumbled from his lips and wanted to bury his heated, blushing face into his arms in mortification. Across the bed, Viktor gave a muffled chuckle before the alpha's fingers ran through Yurio's sun-glazed locks.

"Thank you for taking care of him." Viktor's voice softly trailed off before it picked up again.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I've failed him." Yuuri's heart ached with sympathy when Viktor's thumb traced the tear tracks that ran down Yurio's cheeks like a scar. Viktor's eyes were a dark, stormy shade of blue. Viktor's eyes were filled with so much uncertainty that it made all the raging seas pale in comparison.

"You could never fail him. I-I know because I had-" Yuuri had to stop because it felt like he was talking through fragments of splintered glass.

"I  _had_  a sister and I couldn't help her when she needed me most. I know-" Yuuri felt as if his stomach was housing a grenade that was ready to go off at any second.

"I know that if she was still here. She would have never thought that I failed her. Yurio doesn't either, Viktor."

Viktor's eyes were like beacons in the moonlight and the wrecked devastation on the king's face made Yuuri feel like he was looking into a crystal clear mirror. The uncanny reflection wreaked havoc under Yuuri's skin until he felt like bursting into heaving sobs.

The grief wrapped underneath his tear ducts threatened to spill, so Yuuri forced on a wobbly, quaking smile and said: "But unlike me, you  _still_  have time. You still have him-  ** _so please_** \- please Viktor, don't distance yourself from him.  _Never_   _let_  him feel like he's all alone. _Unloved_."

Yuuri reached forwards and picked up Podsnezhnik because his heart cried out with the desperate need to hold something.

"Don't do something you'll regret." His voice trailed off in a weak, harrowing whisper.

The silence that followed behind those heart-wrenching, raw words rendered the air into an abyss of fresh agony, and it was like trying to breathe underwater. The palpable cloud of despair and grief was sliced open by a sudden and reverberating intake of oxygen. Yuuri glanced up from under his lashes with Podsnezhnik in his trembling hands, when Viktor walked closer, sat down next to him and enveloped his hands in a tender grip.

Yuuri was still disoriented and reeling from his own tumultuous feelings. Nevertheless, everything stopped -even time- when Viktor picked up Yuuri's hand and tugged it closer to his lips. Yuuri felt the sweltering heat of the kiss left on his knuckles all the way in the marrow of his bones.

It felt like a promise. It felt like a new beginning.

But, most important of all, it felt like  **hope**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies! Does anyone here know how to get a beta? because I need a beta-reader for my YOI fics...
> 
> If anyone has some tips that would be a life-saver! 
> 
> (you can leave a PM through tumblr: geekycat-aydsa.tumblr.com or through my email on my profile description.) 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks, hits and comments~ (^_^) <3


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